Thanks Lil' Sis

What type of medicine do beds take?

Pill-ows

Not email enough

Google is too funny!  No more drunken emails I guess is the message from this.

Mail Goggles by Jon P Google strives to make the world's information useful. Mail you send late night on the weekends may be useful but you may regret it the next morning. Solve some simple math problems and you're good to go. Otherwise, get a good night's sleep and try again in the morning. After enabling this feature, you can adjust the schedule in the "General" settings page.

I'm desperate for a job, but not THIS desperate

Surrogate Wife Wanted (North Shore)

Sophisticated distinguished gentleman seeking surrogate wife. 
Full time live in position for the right candidate. 
Perform ALL of the duties of a wife without the paperwork 
Live in luxury, very upscale suburb! Take luxury vacations! Negotiable monthly allowance. 
Retirement Plan. 
You: 
Attractive in shape female age 18 to 37 looking to be taken care of by an attractive gentleman age 56 in exchange for performing ALL wifely duties at a high level. 
You must be adventurous and willing to experiment in the wifely arts. 

Email back with a letter describing yourself and why you are the one for this position. include a physical description of yourself and include a recent accurate photo. 
Applications without a photo will NOT be considered.

Snow White

Leda's the funniest of them all.  Does that make me the evil Step Queen Mother?

Remove

Leda Rodopolis Q: What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?      

     A: Little Boy Blew.

El Chiki Chiki

Modern Jackass

http://thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1090

Search Julia Glick or Sarah Levine

We are products of our parents/NPR

Snoring

Since I got home I have been

Acapella?

Not getting mugged, or doing this

"Hail to the Ch-Ch-Ch-Chief"

Some things I would not like for my birthday...

http://www.chiaobama.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hufu

Books inspired by movies

Jobs I do not want

CAT LOVING TELEVISION HOST

Powderhouse Productions is searching for a CAT-LOVING TELEVISION HOST. We are seeking the Anthony Bourdain of the feline world to be the backbone of our cat crazy travel show on a MAJOR CABLE NETWORK. 

If you’re 20’ish to 40’ish, know a bunch about cats, are open, outgoing, camera-friendly, charming, and stand a solid chance at being the biggest cat lover in all of the feline universe — you could be just what we’re looking for! 

Your skill set includes the following: 

• A deep personal understanding of cats, AND cat people AND the ability to connect with both. 
• A dynamic personality that makes our show a blast. 
• A true sense of adventure and a willingness to take chances. 
• An understanding and appreciation of cat culture – you get a kick out of it, no matter how wacky. 
• An ability to make cats hilarious & fascinating - your cat stories make even devoted dog lovers listen & laugh. 
• You can turn a cat tale into something universal. 

Places I do not want to live

I travel alot and I need someone to live with all my pets and take  
care of them. One is a Python, one monkey, two birds and a goat. The  
goat can come in but mainly I keep him out to cut the lawn. All other  
animals get to roam free in the house, no cages. The monkey and python  
bite, so you have to make sure not to irritate them. I do have cameras  
posted inside the house and will be able to view while I travel. The  
snake gets three mice a week to eat, you must go buy live. The monkey  
helps himself to whatever you are eating. So, if you have a ham  
sandwich, he wants a ham sandwich. Also, because they aren't in cages,  
there is a lot of shit to clean up all the time. But you do get to  
live for free. Expereince with all, or at least some of these animals  
is required. Thanks.

Why is there a cat on the ceiling?

Thanks to Leda for this one liner, I unfortunately added context

So I was at the market in Cleveland with my parents and there was so much good food. I had some great falafel, I wanted to try the crepes but was saving myself for lunch. My parents wanted to buy some produce for later in the day. Even though I DESPISE tomatoes my dad tossed one into my hands and said, "Hey, let's throw some tomatoes and ketchup (catch up)."

Me, Myself, and I: A self portrait

This was written when I was 12, not 21. 

My hair is the color of,

          An oak tree dying in the forest. 

My eyes are like,

          Chocolate chips baking to a crisp. 

My nose is like a,

          Strawberry, stolen by a squirrel before it was ripe. 

My head is like a,

          Pale orange, rolling downhill. 

My tongue is like a,

          Grapefruit, both of them can’t live without sugar. 

My mouth is a,

          Metal mine with rubber band pulleys. 

I live in a bakery,

          And I eat all the strawberry shortcakes, with extra whip cream.

They Might be Giants

Why was the ogress so nice to everyone?

She was very tallerant (tolerant...)

The Beginning?

What falls down but never gets hurt?

Snow